How to deal with jealousy. Let’s admit it. We all feel jealous sometimes. But how to deal with it is the big question. We can wallow in it or push it down. Neither work, by the way.
So how do we deal with the yucky feelings the green-eyed monster brings up in us? Let’s dig in!
What is Jealousy?
First of all, let’s clear one thing up. Jealousy is an emotion—it’s not who we are.
Like any emotion, we can’t live in this world without experiencing it sometimes. Even though we are spiritual beings, we are also human, which means feeling the gamut of emotions.
And, like other emotions, jealousy can teach us about ourselves, so we can grow and accept where we are right now. It comes from a fear of inadequacy. When we feel it, it’s because someone else is having an experience that we also want to have.
We see a friend taking giant steps towards her dream, and even though we feel happy for her… we’d rather she not shine so bright so we don’t look so dim in comparison.
Sound familiar? Yep, we’ve all been there. So now, let’s talk about how to deal with it.
Tip: Acknowledge that jealousy isn’t a bad thing. It’s just an emotion, like joy or excitement. It doesn’t make you a bad person or unspiritual.
How to Deal with Jealousy
1. Acknowledge and make room for your feelings
Have you ever noticed that when you fight an emotion, it gets bigger and scarier? The only true way to deal with jealousy is to accept that it’s a part of us sometimes.
When it rears its ugly head, sit with it. Then, instead of being ashamed of your feelings, make space for them. However you feel is totally okay.
And think about it… if you were a Reiki practitioner, and a client shared their feelings with you, would you condemn them? Scold them? No, you would see them for the spiritual being that they are. Don’t you deserve the same treatment? Of course!
2. Let go of the story
We can’t know how to deal with jealousy until we let go of the story surrounding it. You know the one. It’s always different, but it’s always the same.
- Your friend is “going for it” in spite of her fear of failure while you sit and think up reasons why you can’t make YOUR dreams come true.
- So-and-so is not as smart as you, but they are making twice the salary at a cushy job they got by knowing the right person.
When we let our minds take us down that thought path, there’s no way to BE with the feelings so we can accept them. We have to catch ourselves thinking the story, and bring ourselves back to sit with the feeling.
So, the next time you feel envious, take a breath and spend some time reconnecting with your soul… Spend some time outside, or in meditation. Remember, you are a spiritual being, and the world needs your unique light and love.
3. Recognize the triggers
Start to notice what makes you feel jealous. Is it when someone starts talking about their amazing significant other? Or dream job? Or… what?
Those triggers are a goldmine of information. They tell us where we are insecure and where we feel inadequate or lack… And once we realize what causes these feelings, we can take steps to fulfill our own dreams!
Tip: Next time you feel jealous, ask yourself, “What’s most important to ME?” For example, when my kids were young, my priority was to be a stay-at-home mom. My actions (caring for my kids) aligned with what I value most (family). Then, I would remind myself that I’ll accomplish my other goals, too… it may take a little longer, but that’s okay!
4. Accept abundance
Some people think that because someone else has money, that means they can’t have it. Where does that come from? Is there a shortage of abundance? Of course not.
Once we embrace the mindset that there’s enough for everyone, things start to change.
This is so important because we don’t feel envy once we understand the basic principles of abundance.
Just because Joe got his dream job doesn’t mean we can’t get ours. Even if our dream jobs are similar, they aren’t exactly the same. And there’s more than one company looking for a stellar employee like us!
Believing there is abundance for all opens us up to all the good waiting for us. It changes our whole perspective on life…
There is enough for everyone.
If you are abundant, it doesn’t mean that I get less. It’s not a pie that needs to be divided up (thank goodness, right?) Once we relax and allow, the universe will help us along. Doesn’t that feel wonderful?
- There is a wonderful book called Money and the Law of Attraction (affiliate link) by Esther Hicks that I highly recommend. It’s less than $12 on Amazon and I cannot stress enough how this book changed my life. It’s worth the $12!
5. Get inspired
Have you ever noticed that jealousy makes us feel closed off? Our chest feels tight, we clench our teeth, and we get a knot in our stomach. Even our posture changes. We go into “protection” mode.
But what would happen if we opened ourselves up when we feel envy? This is powerful, so listen up.
By being open, we can be inspired by the good fortune someone else is having. And it can spark new, creative ideas for how we can get what we want, too.
We don’t need to compete. We can learn from one another and celebrate together. Think about it…
When you go into a restaurant and someone is eating a yummy meal, do you feel jealous? No. You call the waiter over and say, “I’ll have what she’s having!”
Tip: A fresh perspective can help you transform negative emotions to positive ones!
6. Stop comparing
Be yourself. We are each on our own path, and that’s something to rejoice in. Some of us are at the beginning of our journey, and some of us are further along. Either way, we’re all on a journey.
When I start comparing myself to someone else, the first emotion I feel is almost always jealousy. But I’ve noticed much less envy since I started paying attention to when I go into “comparing mode.”
When we catch ourselves comparing, we can stop ourselves from having negative thoughts and feelings. Instead, we can practice “not comparing” each other…
No more comparing ourselves to airbrushed celebrities with perfect bodies. Or moms with “perfect” children. Don’t wait until envy comes in before acknowledging it. By paying attention, we can all live a happier life, which includes experiencing less jealousy.
How to Deal with Jealousy: Action Steps
- Accept that jealousy is a part of life. It’s a normal human emotion that we ALL feel sometimes. Acknowledge that it does not make you a bad person.
- Start taking notice of WHAT makes you jealous. Feeling bad about your weight? Do some inner work. Jealous that your friend is successful in business and you are not? Make a list of 3 things you can do to take control of the situation and your life… order an inspirational book, sign up for a class, etc.
- Make a gratitude list. It’s easier to stop feeling jealous when our energetic vibrations are high. Grab a piece of paper and write out at least 50 things that you are grateful for. It will make you feel better immediately.
- Chat with a trusted intuitive reader. Believe it or not, psychic readings can be a great way to uncover the ROOT cause of where your jealousy comes from. You can find intuitive readers we trust here.